Is it Mine?

What do you do when you feel like God told you something was yours and it doesn't happen?  Did I hear right?!  Did I make this all up?!  What is it that I'm supposed to learn from this?!

I keep  hearing God say TRUST ME!  But how?!  When I thought I was trusting Him, it seemed like things kept falling apart.  Do I move?!  Do I stand still?!  Do I wait?!  I'm so confused because what I thought I heard the Lord tell me, seems to not be what HE told me...I think.

I'm hurt!  I'm depressed!  I want to be by myself all the time and mope.  But, part of me wants to hold on, fight, and not give up.  What do I do?!  I feel like crying constantly, but can't bring myself to do it.  I've asked friends to keep me in prayer, but it doesn't feel like that's enough.  I want to scream! Cry! Yell and break things to get this anger out.  I'm mad, not only at myself, but at the fact that I feel like everything God has told me wasn't what He told me.

Am I tripping?!  What is going on?!  What do you want me to do?! How do I continue to hold on when I'm being told no, over and over again?!  I want to trust!  I want to believe, but everything around me is telling me to move on, it's not going to work out.  Lord, you know my situation.  You know what's going on?!  How do I move forward?!  What do you want me to do?!  I feel like I'm doing something wrong and don't know how to make it right?!

Then I hear...I'm here D'ondra. I see you're hurt.  I feel your pain.  I know what you're going through.  None of this is every easy, but you need to Trust Me. You need to know I'm in control of it all.  Everything you're going through is for a reason.  This is going to make you stronger.  This is going to make you rely on Me for any and everything you need.  Hold on!  I'm working it out for your good.

I feel a breath or relief coming...a weight lifted off my shoulders.  A peace that only God can give.  It makes me remember what He told me again and to hold on a little while longer.  I know He make everything beautiful in His time.